Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments by Shmuley Boteach

Author:Shmuley Boteach
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780767909709
Publisher: Harmony/Rodale
Published: 2001-06-01T00:00:00+00:00

There is, however, sometimes a more significant reason for this exclusion. When entering a relationship, you may feel that you have come to the moment of giving up your dependency on your parents and have moved into a new phase of your life. Thus, the decision not to include your parents at this point is a declaration of independence.

Be that as it may, you would do well not to cut your parents out of your dating decisions completely. Of course, you should not date people just because your parents want you to. But your parents are experienced in life. They are experienced in marriage. And, most important, they know you very well and care about you immensely. As they only want the best for you, they probably have some good ideas about how you should handle your future. Don’t obey them blindly, but don’t reject their advice altogether either. Isn’t it a bit ridiculous that you shouldn’t use as a resource the very people who brought you into the world and who objectively desire your happiness?

Don’t ever be ashamed to take advice from people older and wiser than you. Don’t be arrogant. Hey, schmendrick, are you still listening to me? You’re not objective about things when you’re dating, especially once the relationship gets physical. So find a mentor, an advisor. If for some reason you feel you really cannot turn to your parents, that’s okay. So long as you’re still in their will, you’re doing fine. Find someone else. Remember the old adage that it takes a whole village to raise a child. Society is the support structure that allows individuals, and individual relationships, to flourish. Have a best friend, who isn’t afraid to criticize you when you need it, as someone to whom you can confide.

Bringing your date home to meet your parents

The ancient Rabbis in the Talmud said that if God sees a man who treats his father and mother with respect, then He feels as if He is being honored as well (Kiddushin 30b, 31a). When you bring your date home to meet your family, make a special effort to treat your parents with great respect. Don’t be rude and insolent. Your date will realize that you are likely to treat her the same way one day. (When your date goes home, you can lock the old fogies back in the cellar where they belong.)

Complaining about your parents vs. complaining about theirs

Although your parents may not have much of a say in your dating, there’s plenty that you’ll say about them during your date, isn’t there? Very few people remember the Fifth Commandment when they are chatting to their date. This is probably because parents are such a universally fascinating subject. We all have them, and we are all convinced that they could have done a better job.

Get real! This sort of talk about your parents is wrong, and not only because it breaks the Fifth Commandment. Far worse than that—it is boring. Of course you hate your parents.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.